i had a dream...

I was nannying. Standing in the living room looking into the kitchen where Dwight (the dad) and Eli (the child) stood. Dwight wanted to go run some errands and was telling Eli to go get ready so he could go with him. I thought, "if they're leaving...what am I gonna do? Just sit here?" I snuck closer to the kitchen to hear the conversation when the door bell rang. Eli went to the door and unlocked it, but Dwight said, "Eli I’ll get it, don't let them see you." he tried to hide himself but was standing directly in front of one of the windows. i laughed. Dwight approached the door and gently swung it open to find two men in gray electrician suits standing on the front step. both men had scruffy beards and now that I think about it, looked as though they could have been twins. man #1 said, "we're contractors who helped build your house, we know you have money in your wallet, give it to us." the men walked in the house and headed toward the kitchen. Dwight quickly reacted and pushed the button on the alarm system that was supposed to notify the police. the two men simply laughed...apparently they had already snipped the wires...the police weren't going to come. the scraggly criminals snooped through the kitchen trying to find things of value and began taking everything they could find. I'm scared. my mind is racing thinking of something heroic to do. I don't think of anything. man #1 starts taking some of the goods out to their van which leaves man #2 alone with the three of us. i see Dwight open up the cutlery drawer and grab two forks...not the knives...he grabbed the forks. he slipped one into each sleeve. he was plotting an attack. i waited near by so when he began his assault on the burglars I was ready to join in. man #2 turned his back and began snooping through another drawer. Out of nowhere Dwight tackled the man and started poking the man’s hands with the forks. Dwight’s tactics were confusing me. Out of all the places to stab the potential murderer he stabbed him in the hands. I looked at Dwight thinking, "you've gotta be kidding me..." I ran over and shoved Dwight off of man #2 and started beating the man repeatedly in the face. After several hard punches to his head, the man lay there motionless. Scary music started to play in the background as man #1 reentered the house...pointing a gun...right at Eli. Now things were serious. Dwight quickly grabbed Eli and ran out of the house into the garage and hid behind their car. i followed. man #1 ran out the front door and trapped us in the garage. he opened fire, trying desperately to end our lives. I sat there, not even ducking behind anything, knowing that i wasn't going to get shot, God was on my side. A second gun appeared out of no where. It was a strange gun that shot tiny bombs that had to be loaded one by one into the barrel. Once the man was out of his regular bullets and had to reload I popped out and fired at him. Direct hit to the shoulder blade. He dropped his gun. He let out a hideous cry and staggered closer. I calmly loaded another mini bomb into the gun and fired again. Direct hit to the abdomen. Man #1 let out another cry. I reloaded. Fired again and hit the man in the leg, rendering him incapable of moving any further. He dropped to the ground. I ran into the backyard and see several tiny children escaping from inside the nanny house where they had been held captive by the two contractors. Apparently when they built the house they had fashioned a prison in the bowels of the home to hold little children. I shouted loudly for the kids to follow me to freedom, however, a river separated us from the shore we so desperately sought after. I jumped in the river, fighting the tide and carried each kid to safety. I don't know what happened to anyone else in the story, because once I crossed the river, I didn't go back...in fact...that is when i woke up.

Mental DVR

Do you ever wish that you had a TiVo, implanted in your brain? That you could push a button inside your ear that would start recording everything you’re seeing and hearing? That you could pause special moments and just drink them in? That you could rewind, and relive the hilarious minutes of everyday? Ok, ok. I know this sounds exactly like the movie Click, but I’m not talking about fast-forwarding through the dull parts of life. I’m talking about relishing all the awesome moments we get to experience everyday. I wish I could replay the story about I’m about to tell you. I have a feeling it would be a new YouTube sensation.

As I paced back from the men’s bathroom, on the third floor of my office building, I turned the corner and began the final stretch of my walk back to my desk. About 15 yards away, there was an average looking lady, with scraggly blonde hair walking toward me. The 15 yard gap is an awkward distance to deal with, especially when we were the only two walking down the center aisle of our office. Do I acknowledge her? Do I smile? Do I say “good morning?” Do I put my head down and ignore her existence? All of these thoughts trampled throughout my mind in a matter of a second, which eventually led to my split-second decision to do whatever was natural. (whatever the heck that means).

As the gap between us shortened, we made eye contact and a gentle smile brushed across her face. I remained stoic and continued my final few paces before I reached her, not completely ignoring her, but not letting my green eyes tear her heart from within her.

The gap was 5 feet now. I looked at her. She looked at me. She stopped dead in her tracks, not because she was awe-struck by me, but because she ran directly into the side of her cubicle, making a loud thud echo across the office. Completely embarrassed, the average girl looked at me. I tried to pretend I hadn’t just seen her walk directly into the side of a stationary, inanimate object, but she knew that I had indeed witnessed her embarrassing mishap. Without a moment’s hesitation, she opened her mouth and nervously spoke these words to me: “I don’t have any depth perception.”
Was she serious? Did she really have some sort of depth perception disability that hindered her from walking like a normal human being? Or, was my breath taking presence so debilitating to her that she lost all primal motor functions and reverted back to early childhood when she didn’t know how to walk? I didn’t have much time to react. In an effort to save some her some ounce of dignity, I stifled back the eruption of laughter that was about to burst out of me and restrained to letting out a calm chuckle.

The average looking girl, with straggly blonde hair doesn’t look at me anymore. Or maybe she is looking at me, but she has crossed eyes, which caused her to run into the side of a cubicle. I guess I’ll never know.

Kentucky Coleslaw

Kentucky Coleslaw jolted upright in his bed, his heart pounding, hair standing in every which direction, looking as though a hippo sat on his face all night. He hadn’t been sleeping well the last few days, in anticipation of his collegiate graduation. Kent is one of those worrier types. Someone that is so filled with doubt, and anxiety that he has a hard time just living his every day life. He has a great group of friends that care about him, and a loving family, but Kentucky failed to drink in the moments he was living, because he was too worried about moments that had yet to be lived.

His restless nights, filled with mind-numbing questioning of his future plans, just about drove Kentucky to insanity. He continued to toss and turn, wondering if his life had purpose, until the day of his graduation.

Due to all of the hours Kent spent worrying about a job, a future family, and all of the things that come with being an adult, he completely over looked the details of the graduation. Little did he know, the commencement ceremony was being held at Pickleberry Park, and not the Draconstein Memorial Auditorium. Kentucky showed up in his cap and gown and noticed that there weren’t any other cars in the Draconstein parking lot, and immediately started to panic. He tore threw the parking lot and headed to the auditorium where he found a small green post it note with the words, “Good morning. If you are here reading this note, then you are not at Pickleberry Park, WHERE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE!!!” Kent’s heart sank and headed straight to the library where he could access the internet. As he sprinted to the computer lab, he remembered that he had his GPS in the car, but thought he should print off directions as well, just in case the GPS didn’t work. He ferociously tapped the keyboard as he entered the web address for mapquest so he could find directions to Pickleberry Park. Kent was so worried about getting lost, that he decided to go to google maps and print directions from there as well. He also printed off two alternate routes, and stopped at a gas station to get an atlas, to insure he could locate the park. After all of the worrying and over analyzing the dilemma, Kent turned on his GPS, which gave him perfect directions to the park. He spent so much time and energy worrying about the future that he hadn’t been taking time to live in the moment. He had back up plan after back up plan in place, just in case the GPS didn’t work, when he should have had faith that the GPS would do its job and guide him.

Sometimes we spend so much time worrying about the future that we don’t enjoy living the lives God has given us. We try to map out the course of our lives, and set up back up plans in case we need a plan B. Why is it that we worry about mapping out our lives, when we have a GPS to guide us? God already knows our final destination because he is the one that programmed us! Ok stick with me here. I’m trying to make this analogy work. Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. God has a plan for you. Even when we don’t know where we’re going, we have to trust that the GPS will tell us where to turn and get us there safely. That is how God operates with us. We have to trust, and have faith in the fact that he’s going to guide us down the path we’re supposed to go. My challenge to you is to soak up the everyday moments that God allows us to have. Don’t get caught up in what’s going to happen down the road. Live everyday to its fullest, not so that you may receive blessings and glory, but so that your faith may be rooted in the fact that Christ’s love for you is greater than anything you’ll ever experience, and that he has promised to guide you and never let you go.

Like Frosted Flakes

I’ve tossed and turned in my sleep for the past couple of nights, questioning whether or not I should use my workspace (blog) to declare some sort of enthusiastic pep-talk about how to live our lives in 2010. Some part of me wants to create some sort of rally cry that sparks pure emotion and causes everyone to strive to be all they can be. The other part of me wants to avoid the cliché new years resolution type of speech, and fall back on the harsh truth, that even if what I had to say created some interest or some sort of drive, that by the time February rolled around, it would be dead along with all of your other lame resolutions.

On the other hand, maybe what I have to say is worth something. Maybe I will be the one to break through and revolutionize resolutions. What are the chances that these words which are now being vigorously typed could stir up enough emotion to make a resolution become a lifestyle?

The crisis of whether or not I should voice my twenty-ten devotional, was leading to more restless nights. I woke up today, and decided that if I continue my current sleeping pattern (which has consisted of more tossing and turning, than actual sleep) that I would probably end up being that guy, by himself, at the movie theater, watching the midnight showing of the latest romantic-comedy, eating a bag of popcorn and drinking a large cherry Pepsi, because I had become an insane insomniac, that couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t decide whether or not to join the thousands of people that created new year’s resolutions. In fear of becoming that guy (although I do enjoy a chick flick every now and then), I made a resolution to make a new years resolution. Confusing, I know.

My new year’s resolution is to strive for greatness. I want to be great. Great at work, playing sports, when I’m with family, reading books, being a friend, writing, talking, thinking, loving, praying, laughing. When I’m doing all of the simple things in life, I want to be great! How does this happen? What kind of tangible, real life things can be applied to obtain such greatness? Whoa…great question. And the answer is…I have no idea. I really don’t. There isn’t a workout program, book or motivational speech that can help me achieve greatness. All I know is that God hasn’t called me to a live a life of mediocrity. He’s infused me with his joy and because of that, I know I have potential greatness coursing through every bone in my body. Look through the bible. Moses, Daniel, Joshua, the disciples. Ordinary people, used to do GREAT things.

Be great! Not so that you can receive the glory, but so that Christ may be seen through you.

a boy, a sword, and a princess: part two

It’s been about a year now,
since the Princess broke his heart.
It’s given the boy a healthy chance,
to have a brand new start.
But even though he left his home,
and the princess is far away.
He thinks about her smiling face,
every night and every day.

The boy has moved to a foreign land,
where no one knows his name.
No one knows the things he’s done,
or knows about his fame.
He graces the people of his town,
with smiles and good deeds.
And takes time to stop and talk,
And meet his people’s needs.
It didn’t take them very long,
To care about the boy.
The town had never been this pleased,
And never had so much joy.
The town’s love was not enough,
To clear the poor boys mind.
His dreams were of the princess,
He was forced to leave behind.

The boy would lay awake at night,
with the princess on his mind.
Wondering if he had done some wrong,
but nothing could he find.
His feelings hadn’t changed for her,
despite being sent away.
He vowed that he’d return to her,
and hoped she’d let him stay.
So, one fall morning he packed his bags,
and saddled up to ride.
The men and children waved goodbye
while all the women cried.
They asked him not to leave the town,
and begged for him to stay.
The boy just smiled and bowed his head,
and this is what he’d say.
“I thank you for your gentle words,
and tears that you have shed.
But after all I’m just a boy,
with jumbled thoughts up in my head.
I love a girl who broke my heart
and sent me on my way.
A girl who haunts my every dream,
throughout the night and day.
It’s stupid that I feel like this,
but I have to leave this land.
My heart can simply not survive,
unless I hold her hand.
Sometime soon this will make sense,
for I still have much to learn.
But do not fear, for I promise you,
someday I will return.”
With those last words, the boy rode off,
deep into the setting sun.
And though the boy had come this far,
his journey had just begun.

a boy, a sword, and a princess: part one

(i wrote this about a year ago, and have recently written part two. i thought i would re-post this so you can remember whats happening in the story. hope you like it)

There once lived a boy who was handsome and tall,
who sacrificed himself for the safety of all.
Some called him Hero for the lives he had saved,
some called him Friend as he past and they waved.
He was famous in town, and loved in the land,
he had a smile in his eye and a sword in his hand.
The King even liked him, and gave him great things,
rubies, and emeralds, and diamonds, and rings.
Even with the fame, his character didn't crumble,
he remained brave, and loyal, and humble.

A beautiful princess also lived in this land,
and every noble men came seeking her hand.
The princess hated them and thought them a hassle,
and hired the boy to keep them from her castle.
The boy did his job and kept evil away,
drove off the noblemen all night and all day.
The princess was free from all the dirty men,
and the boy was happy to serve til the end.

The boy traveled with the princess, through rain and through snow,
to make sure she was safe, wherever she would go.
The boy had slayed dragons, and killed hundreds in war.
had captured the elves, and wrestled with boars.
He had battled with gnomes, in an unknown land,
Had boxed with the giants in lava quicksand.
In all of these feats he had never felt queasy,
but for once in his life he felt quite uneasy.
For deep in his heart he was falling in love,
with the princess, his boss, who watched from above.

The boy served the princess for over a year,
and did everything she asked without any fear.
So one day he decided to tell her how he felt,
He prayed, and hoped that her heart would melt.
"Princess, I Love You, let me be your King,
I'll fight for you forever, To you I'll always cling."
The princess started crying and slapped him in the face,
and told him he was fired and said she needed space.
"Please depart my castle boy, and leave me alone,
I simply do not love you, you can not have my throne."
The boy bowed his head, as a tear slipped to the floor,
he swiveled on his heal and headed toward the door.
But right before he left, he hoisted up his head,
he mustered up some strength and this is what he said,
"But who is going to save you, when I am gone?
And who will be your strength, when you're not strong?
Who will watch over you, when I've gone away?
And who will hold your hand day after day?
Who break your fall, and who will ease your pain?
Who will fight your battles, and shelter you from rain?
Someday soon you’ll realize what you’ve done,
You'll long to hear my voice, but I'll be long gone."

Billion Dollar Meltdown

Tiger Woods. The World’s Greatest Golfer. The first athlete (if you want to call golfers athletes…that’s a whole different topic…don’t get me started) ever, to earn $1,000,000,000. Beautiful wife. Lovely kids. Sounds like he has everything he would ever need, right? Well, apparently not. Tiger has allegedly had relations with twelve different women across the country, and chances are there are more.

First of all, let me make this clear. I’m not going to hate on Tiger Woods just because of his adulterous lifestyle. You can ask anyone I’ve ever talked to about Tiger, how I feel about him. I can’t stand the guy. I’d rather cheer for the Packers then cheer for Tiger Woods. He could put the ball within 6 inches of the pin, and be in first by 37 strokes, but by his body language you would think he had just put his 12th shot in the drink. Don’t get me wrong. He IS the greatest golfer ever to play the game. He is amazing. But…he’s also a huge baby, who has a temper, and is unimpressed with everything surrounding him. I can’t stand watching him sulk down the fairway, with his huge droopy lips suffocating the rest of his face. Dude. Smile.

Secondly, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you don’t act like a real man, then you don’t deserve a manly nickname like “Tiger.” Hmmm. What is an animal name that suits him better. Something stupid and smelly. Ahhh yes! “Pig Woods.” I like the sound of that. Or, let’s call him by his real name: Eldrick Tont Woods. Whoa…No wonder he needed a nickname. Jeepers.

The part of me that has always disliked Eldrick is happy that his private life has been put under a magnifying glass. It’s proven everything I’ve thought about the guy from the beginning. He is a sad man, unimpressed by everything around him.

A news report today says that Pig’s doctor was caught, and arrested back in October by Canadian police, as he had possession of a certain strain of HGH (human growth hormone). Although Eldrick’s name has not yet been mentioned, we can’t help but speculate that he may have received some of these drugs.

So, without further ado, we will now add Eldrick to the list with Kobe Bryant, Roger Clemens, Wilt Chamberlin, Barry Bonds and countless other professionals, who have tainted their careers with adulterous scandal and alleged performance enhancing drug use.

I’d like to say that all along my dislike of Eldrick was somehow linked to the fact that I knew he was someday going to cheat on his wife and that he was taking performance enhancing drugs, but, alas, I cannot say that. It’s depressing to see another one of the World’s role models go down like this, regardless of my personal feelings toward him.

One billion dollars can buy you a lot of stuff, but it can’t buy you happiness.