Wednesday, December 16, 2009

a boy, a sword, and a princess: part two

It’s been about a year now,
since the Princess broke his heart.
It’s given the boy a healthy chance,
to have a brand new start.
But even though he left his home,
and the princess is far away.
He thinks about her smiling face,
every night and every day.

The boy has moved to a foreign land,
where no one knows his name.
No one knows the things he’s done,
or knows about his fame.
He graces the people of his town,
with smiles and good deeds.
And takes time to stop and talk,
And meet his people’s needs.
It didn’t take them very long,
To care about the boy.
The town had never been this pleased,
And never had so much joy.
The town’s love was not enough,
To clear the poor boys mind.
His dreams were of the princess,
He was forced to leave behind.

The boy would lay awake at night,
with the princess on his mind.
Wondering if he had done some wrong,
but nothing could he find.
His feelings hadn’t changed for her,
despite being sent away.
He vowed that he’d return to her,
and hoped she’d let him stay.
So, one fall morning he packed his bags,
and saddled up to ride.
The men and children waved goodbye
while all the women cried.
They asked him not to leave the town,
and begged for him to stay.
The boy just smiled and bowed his head,
and this is what he’d say.
“I thank you for your gentle words,
and tears that you have shed.
But after all I’m just a boy,
with jumbled thoughts up in my head.
I love a girl who broke my heart
and sent me on my way.
A girl who haunts my every dream,
throughout the night and day.
It’s stupid that I feel like this,
but I have to leave this land.
My heart can simply not survive,
unless I hold her hand.
Sometime soon this will make sense,
for I still have much to learn.
But do not fear, for I promise you,
someday I will return.”
With those last words, the boy rode off,
deep into the setting sun.
And though the boy had come this far,
his journey had just begun.

a boy, a sword, and a princess: part one

(i wrote this about a year ago, and have recently written part two. i thought i would re-post this so you can remember whats happening in the story. hope you like it)

There once lived a boy who was handsome and tall,
who sacrificed himself for the safety of all.
Some called him Hero for the lives he had saved,
some called him Friend as he past and they waved.
He was famous in town, and loved in the land,
he had a smile in his eye and a sword in his hand.
The King even liked him, and gave him great things,
rubies, and emeralds, and diamonds, and rings.
Even with the fame, his character didn't crumble,
he remained brave, and loyal, and humble.

A beautiful princess also lived in this land,
and every noble men came seeking her hand.
The princess hated them and thought them a hassle,
and hired the boy to keep them from her castle.
The boy did his job and kept evil away,
drove off the noblemen all night and all day.
The princess was free from all the dirty men,
and the boy was happy to serve til the end.

The boy traveled with the princess, through rain and through snow,
to make sure she was safe, wherever she would go.
The boy had slayed dragons, and killed hundreds in war.
had captured the elves, and wrestled with boars.
He had battled with gnomes, in an unknown land,
Had boxed with the giants in lava quicksand.
In all of these feats he had never felt queasy,
but for once in his life he felt quite uneasy.
For deep in his heart he was falling in love,
with the princess, his boss, who watched from above.

The boy served the princess for over a year,
and did everything she asked without any fear.
So one day he decided to tell her how he felt,
He prayed, and hoped that her heart would melt.
"Princess, I Love You, let me be your King,
I'll fight for you forever, To you I'll always cling."
The princess started crying and slapped him in the face,
and told him he was fired and said she needed space.
"Please depart my castle boy, and leave me alone,
I simply do not love you, you can not have my throne."
The boy bowed his head, as a tear slipped to the floor,
he swiveled on his heal and headed toward the door.
But right before he left, he hoisted up his head,
he mustered up some strength and this is what he said,
"But who is going to save you, when I am gone?
And who will be your strength, when you're not strong?
Who will watch over you, when I've gone away?
And who will hold your hand day after day?
Who break your fall, and who will ease your pain?
Who will fight your battles, and shelter you from rain?
Someday soon you’ll realize what you’ve done,
You'll long to hear my voice, but I'll be long gone."

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Billion Dollar Meltdown

Tiger Woods. The World’s Greatest Golfer. The first athlete (if you want to call golfers athletes…that’s a whole different topic…don’t get me started) ever, to earn $1,000,000,000. Beautiful wife. Lovely kids. Sounds like he has everything he would ever need, right? Well, apparently not. Tiger has allegedly had relations with twelve different women across the country, and chances are there are more.

First of all, let me make this clear. I’m not going to hate on Tiger Woods just because of his adulterous lifestyle. You can ask anyone I’ve ever talked to about Tiger, how I feel about him. I can’t stand the guy. I’d rather cheer for the Packers then cheer for Tiger Woods. He could put the ball within 6 inches of the pin, and be in first by 37 strokes, but by his body language you would think he had just put his 12th shot in the drink. Don’t get me wrong. He IS the greatest golfer ever to play the game. He is amazing. But…he’s also a huge baby, who has a temper, and is unimpressed with everything surrounding him. I can’t stand watching him sulk down the fairway, with his huge droopy lips suffocating the rest of his face. Dude. Smile.

Secondly, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you don’t act like a real man, then you don’t deserve a manly nickname like “Tiger.” Hmmm. What is an animal name that suits him better. Something stupid and smelly. Ahhh yes! “Pig Woods.” I like the sound of that. Or, let’s call him by his real name: Eldrick Tont Woods. Whoa…No wonder he needed a nickname. Jeepers.

The part of me that has always disliked Eldrick is happy that his private life has been put under a magnifying glass. It’s proven everything I’ve thought about the guy from the beginning. He is a sad man, unimpressed by everything around him.

A news report today says that Pig’s doctor was caught, and arrested back in October by Canadian police, as he had possession of a certain strain of HGH (human growth hormone). Although Eldrick’s name has not yet been mentioned, we can’t help but speculate that he may have received some of these drugs.

So, without further ado, we will now add Eldrick to the list with Kobe Bryant, Roger Clemens, Wilt Chamberlin, Barry Bonds and countless other professionals, who have tainted their careers with adulterous scandal and alleged performance enhancing drug use.

I’d like to say that all along my dislike of Eldrick was somehow linked to the fact that I knew he was someday going to cheat on his wife and that he was taking performance enhancing drugs, but, alas, I cannot say that. It’s depressing to see another one of the World’s role models go down like this, regardless of my personal feelings toward him.

One billion dollars can buy you a lot of stuff, but it can’t buy you happiness.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Chapter 3

Baby I can See Your Halo

In college, I spent days upon days playing video games. At the time, the video games were a mere form of social entertainment, that preoccupied my time from the inevitable task at hand…homework. But as I look back, the countless number of hours spent shooting battle rifles, throwing plasma grenades, and being the wheelman behind a Warthog, have not gone to waste. There are applicable lessons that can be taken from playing video games. I suppose I should be clearer. When I say that I played video games, I mean that I played Halo. Halo 2 and Halo 3. Not to toot my own horn, but most players would say that I was the best and most feared opponent at Northwestern College. I say that, to say this. I know my stuff when it comes to Halo. So, when I use Halo as yet another metaphor of love, just believe me.

While playing Halo, there are a few things you need to know. Besides the actual button configuration on your controller, there are different items on the screen that are crucial to your survival. Number one. Your regenerating shield. This is located at the top of the screen and notifies you of how much life you have left. Number two. Your ammunition. This is located in the upper right corner of your screen, and notifies you of how many bullets you have left in your weapon. And finally, number three. Your radar. This is located in the bottom left corner of your screen, and notifies you of your teammates, and enemies. Each of these three things is very important to keep an eye on if you want to be a successful Halo player. I believe that these things can translate, or symbolize things in our romantic lives.

Battle/Battlefield = battlefield of love
Shield = heart/emotions
Grenade = breakup
There are times where you’re going to go into battle and come out wounded. You will be out there fighting with everything you have, but will get hit by a grenade from out of nowhere and be left hurting, broken. This is where the regenerating shield is so helpful. You can hunker down, regroup and get ready to do battle again. However, it’s not safe or healthy to run back out into battle when you’re still hurt. You’ll die. Next time you’re hurt, make sure your shield is fully recovered before you rejoin the fight.

Battle/Battlefield = battlefield of love
Ammo = game (like, dang man, you got mad game)
You can’t expect to win a battle if you don’t have ammunition…translation…you can’t win someone over if you don’t spit mad game. Be sure you have fresh ammunition before you trying winning a battle. If you’re unprepared, you will get shot and you will die.


There are two types of people that the radar will pick up, teammates and non-teammates. Teammates appear as yellow dots, and non-teammates appear as red dots. When traveling through the battlefield, the radar lets you know who is on your team, and who is on the other team. Sometimes, on the battlefield of love, it is difficult to differentiate between people who like you, and people who just want to be friends. It’s hard to tell if they are a yellow dot (a friend) or a red dot (someone who is in hot pursuit of you). Unfortunately, that is just part of the game. There will be times when someone who you thought was in hot pursuit, ends up being nothing more than “just a friend.” Or, someone who you thought of was “just a friend” could be hunting you down on the battlefield of love, looking to trap you in a corner and…well I will let your imagination take it from there.
Basically what I’m trying to say is…your radar can only get you so far. It can detect friends, and potential interests, but the end result is in your hands. You need to explore the battlefield and make sure that the yellow dot around the corner isn’t just a red dot in disguise.

Had I spent more time doing homework, and less time playing Halo, sure, I would have gotten better grades, but would I be as wise as I am now? Heck no! I wouldn’t know to let my heart heal before I put it on the line again. I wouldn’t know that I need mad game in order to impress the ladies. I wouldn’t know how to read my radar. I wouldn’t have earned the honor of being named the best Halo player on campus either.
Thank you Halo, for my college education!

Nerds and Romantics around the world UNITE! Video games have just become one with love.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Chapter 2

Take the Shot

There are times in everyone’s life where decisions must be made. Choices, not only about life, but also about love. Making choices that are linked to romantic feelings can be some of the hardest decisions we have the privilege of making. The great Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” All along I thought this was talking about sports, but I’m convinced this is talking about LOVE. Who would have thought that a hockey player would know so much about romance?

Maybe I’m just speaking from personal experience, but I’m pretty sure everyone from the beginning of time has had a crush on someone. However, I really don’t like the word crush. What does that even mean? It’s dumb. The word crush means to destroy or squash. Why would you ever want to squash someone you like? Stupid. So we are going to revert back to the chapter one. Eggs in a basket. Everyone has experienced that suffocating feeling, when all of the air evacuates your lungs because the girl (or guy) of your dreams just walked into the room. Everyone knows the feeling of your heart jumping out of your chest like a lion trying to escape from a cage. This is what it feels like when you’ve placed an egg in someone’s basket. The journey has begun.

There comes a point during the journey that a huge leap needs to be made. I could be putting eggs in a girl’s basket that doesn’t even know I exist. Egg placing isn’t always mutual. There is a pivotal moment in a relationship where the egg placement becomes intentional. This is known as a DTR. What is a DTR you might ask? Well, there are several different interpretations to the acronym. DTR:
- Determine the Relationship
- Discuss the Relationship
- Dispute the Relationship
- Declare the Relationship
- Delicious Taco Restaurant

DTRs happen at different points in a relationship for different people. Some guys will meet a girl and ask her on a date the same night. Some guys will get to know a girl and finally express their feelings for them months or even years later. Is there a right or wrong way to do this? No. Just different ways.

Most girls aren’t going to put themselves on the line, and initiate the DTR. A girl could be head over heals for a guy, patiently waiting for him to ask her on a date, but never let on that they are interested. Confusing right? RIGHT! Initiation of the relationship 95 out of 100 times is going to be by the guy. Putting your heart out on the line can be tough. It definitely comes easier for some, but I assure you, any guy has the ability to show emotion and sweep a girl off her feet.

. Here is the rule, and where the new analogy really takes off. I know Wayne played hockey, but I’m going to take his quote to the basketball court. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. So…take the shot. Let her know how you feel! Go for it! Sweep her off her feet! If the shot is open, take it. Don’t force it, or rush it, but wait for the right time, get set, and take the shot. I know, I know, sometimes it’s not that simple. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule. Here are some things you might run into. All of the situations will be placed in the masculine setting, but the same principles apply for females.

What if the girl whose basket I’m placing eggs in, has a boyfriend?
Be careful. However, sometimes you have to get the steal before you can take a shot. Just because she has a boyfriend doesn’t mean she’s gone for good. Play good defense, steal her away, and take the shot.

What if she doesn’t know I exist?
Be patient. Sometimes you have to sit on the bench for a while before you get noticed. Keep working at it though. Do things that get you noticed (in a good way!). You’ll get your opportunity someday. Just don’t be scared to take the shot once you’re off the bench.

What if she doesn’t like me?
Stay strong. Getting rejected is a bad feeling, but at least you took the shot. Keep working on your moves. Don’t try the same thing twice, or you’ll just get blocked again. Sometimes it takes a few tries before you get a good shot off. If you get rejected three times though, you should probably stop shooting.

What if she’s a great friend and I don’t want to ruin that?
Shoot it! This usually takes them off guard, but it’s when you have the most open shot. Like I said earlier, a girl could be head over heals for you, but never show interest. This could be the case with your friend. You just have to decide whether or not she’s worth the risk. It could be awkward after, but if you’re as great of friends as you think you are, your friendship should stand the test.

What if she has 16 toes, wears a patch over her left eye, and smells like Shrek?
No advice

What if she likes me, but I don’t like her?
Pass the ball. Don’t pump-fake, or even think about shooting the ball. Divert her attention elsewhere by getting the ball out of your hands. Don’t let her think there is even a chance. It’s not fair to her, if you lead her on. If she is as rare as a blue footed alligator, she might initiate and take a shot at your hoop. If you truly don’t like her, BLOCK that crap and shake your finger like Dikembe Mutumbo. But, if you think there might be a chance that you could place some eggs in her basket…go for it.

Take Gretzky’s advice and don’t live your love life on the bench. Get out there and take some shots. Being in the game and getting rejected is better than sitting on the bench. And who knows…the next shot you take might be a beautiful swoosh!